Part 29

Well, I've got red pretty stones, green pretty stones and blue pretty stones. If he doesn't accept any of those than I have no idea what he's jibber-jabberin' about and may just have to kill him

He bites, and now it's time for some payoff. Keep the pointers comin' my man I can use 'em all

Or not. Continue babbling incoherently good sir

Jokes on you poindexter, now I know to avoid the green orb, lest I face a minor and wholly symbolic and entirely inconsequential poisoning of such a slight degree as to be laughable. I guess it's nice to have another tick in the "creatures encountered and not slaughtered" column of my diary, in keeping with Cowardly Surrenderers 1-4

Along the way I encounter a bucket and a well, and a new skill is born. In addition to the murdering and spell casting, water gathering can now be added to our war party's myspace account. But what possible use could this have, the dumber among us may wonder

Pow, fires are no longer the deadly threat they were in the past. Now they can be extinguished, avoiding that messy five point health loss for walking through them. I can almost hear Khull-Khum rattling around in terror from here

Shitty ballsack soup, this baddie is bad enough to have earned a name. Not only that but it's a very, very recognizable name in the Stonekeep universe. But more on that after my witty rejoindre

Drake: 1 Gorda Karn: Also 1, for starting a battle cry with "Well, ", which is perhaps the least common way to convey a sense of urgency and conviction

Then let us begin or dance. But not a dance of pretty stone acquisition, no. A dance wherein one will die and another will be horribly scarred forver. Like my high school prom.

Having just talked tough about starting a bigass fight, I figure now is the time to hide around the corner without either taking or landing a single blow in order to fill in a little back story. The main character from the novella, whose name is Rathe and not Wraith now that I think about it (and open the book to check), gets captured by throgs while sneaking into their compound to free some prisoners. Irony! Anyway, the guy in charge of the camp is one Gotha Karn, ancestor to the current temple curator. Seems like these karns are always tying to fuck with the Rathe family in one way or another

We're both on fire! This is truly the most equitable battle thus far!

Now I've lit us both on fire and he's trying to cane me like I was an Indonesian kid who spat on the sidewalk, only without the audience of people in jogging pants who refuse to stand up

As is usually the case in battles a regular dude and three dwarfs, the guy in the red pyjamas goes down first. But it's not a total loss for Gorda, as with his dying breath he manages to drop an amulet at me that, if I wasn't careful, I could slip on and impale myself on Farley's cock again.

Not this time! This time I'll just wear it and take whatever worthless boost it imbues or imbibes or whatever it is that it does

Sweet, the old bag also had another rune in his old bag. I won't use it because it looks like something Jubilee would cast, and even here in this time and place we know of the ultimate suck that is Jubilee

So this is what Gorda Karn was guarding. It appears to be a fossilized shokan fetus with a red eye and a green eye. Wait, a green eye? Why is that familiar? No matter, I'll just reach in there and pluck that sucker out without thinking about it anymore